I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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