Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
