I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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