My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
