Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Is it penis luge time yet?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Bring me that man meat
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
