lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
