In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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