im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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