whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
