Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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