The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
