I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
