I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
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You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
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It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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