Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
