I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
