Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
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We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
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i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
there is glitter all over my balls
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