But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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