I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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