So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i came on her dog
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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