I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize