Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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