There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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