i can't believe i had my finger in that
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
