OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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