these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
