dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
