I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
