I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
