I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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