i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
