Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
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rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
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Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.