Texts From Last Night

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  (520): View more from Arizona

  im six kinds of drunk right now

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  (520): im six kinds of drunk right now http://tfl.nu/4cbw
  Replies (18) Good night (4047) Bad night (537)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.

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  (412): I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong. http://tfl.nu/sjar
  Replies (25) Good night (709) Bad night (3171)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover

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  (763): i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover http://tfl.nu/a65k
  Replies (13) Good night (2825) Bad night (1161)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.

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  (850): I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain. http://tfl.nu/8aml
  Replies (12) Good night (5693) Bad night (1157)
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  (408): View more from California

  im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.

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  (408): im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college. http://tfl.nu/q0uk
  Replies (12) Good night (7322) Bad night (989)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe

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  (570): All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe http://tfl.nu/7ueb
  Replies (4) Good night (760) Bad night (1283)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.

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  (608): Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple. http://tfl.nu/2rha
  Replies (10) Good night (596) Bad night (2797)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend

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  (+44): I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend http://tfl.nu/ua0w
  Replies (11) Good night (2421) Bad night (730)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?

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  (313): I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"? http://tfl.nu/ei6b
  Replies (6) Good night (586) Bad night (1411)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"

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  (843): It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?" http://tfl.nu/owjc
  Replies (3) Good night (792) Bad night (424)
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  (818): View more from California

  Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you

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  (818): Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you http://tfl.nu/ksv2
  Replies (1) Good night (397) Bad night (582)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.

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  (256): You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No. http://tfl.nu/binp
  Replies (11) Good night (706) Bad night (333)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...

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  (248): Sex aside I am really scared about Syria... http://tfl.nu/pc9q
  Replies (2) Good night (432) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?

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  (803): If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away? http://tfl.nu/9eig
  Replies (3) Good night (977) Bad night (212)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?

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  (240): Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats? http://tfl.nu/479l
  Replies (3) Good night (634) Bad night (258)

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