$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
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Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
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Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman