we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...