God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying