You just made me feel so damn special
My friends, they love my intelligence
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it