He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
