in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
