Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
