don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
