im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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