I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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