My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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