But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
