She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Life is so much better after having sex.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
