eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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