Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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