That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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