Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
