Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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