I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
