He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
