The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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