He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
now i know why i became what i already was.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
