I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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