I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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