I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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