im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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