life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
