Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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