just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
