Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I wear drunk well.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
