the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is Oprah even human
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
