i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
