I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
