Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
