i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize