I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
