I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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