Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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