We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
