people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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