Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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