you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
